Strings - Kendall Grey WARNING: STRINGS is not suitable for slut shamers, uptight stone throwers, Holier-Than-Thou prudes, humorless virgins, persons with chronic neck or back pain, pearl-clutching bitties, those who disparage crude humor or vulgarity in their many forms, closed-minded people with sticks up their asses, or anyone under the age of 18. The vile, base language and shocking, unholy sexual acts contained herein...

Read the warning! Consider the warning! For fuck’s sake, HEED THE FUCKING WARNING!


My fellow smut readers, I invite you to go for a ride with Strings. But please be advised, in order to enjoy this ride you will need to have at least this much of a sense of humor.

Please pack accordingly, as there are sporadic sprays of cooter juice, hot jizz and melted muff butter. May I suggest investing in

Please note, that some parts of the ride might bring on a sudden case of the clap, so please , for fuck’s sake, be prepared.
Ready? Well allrighty then!

This is the most disgustingly vulgar hilarity I have ever read. I am now fully educated in all the possible terms one can call the uhem….nether regions…and all things that might come out of them.

Sweet baby jeebus, I am SO disgustingly fluent in cooch speak now I don’t think a porno can rival me.

Let me take you through my linguistic ride, but be advised, some spoilers may follow.

“All I want for my birthday is to get fucked unconscious with no strings attached.”
~~~~~
“What a coincidence. I’ve got a big dick, a bar tab, and the local cab company’s number on speed dial.” The guy’s eyes bore into me from behind the dark lenses, and I have a momentary lapse in vaginal secretion control.
~~~~~
Fuck him like a Roman numpho whore with a flaming crotch, let him put it out with a cum spritzer, then run like hell.
~~~~~
How the hell do you get goose juice out of a car’s upholstery?
~~~~~
I watch the ball of his silver stud going to work, beating on my little bald girl in her boat.
~~~~
I’m so wet, I could fuck a cantaloupe and three banans without batting an eyelash.
~~~~
Taking his pink soldier all the way down into my pudding trench is no problem.
~~~~
It’s hard to concentrate with his breath tickling my ear and his beautiful cock clubbing my meat curtains.


THEN


“Holy anal mishaps, Batman"


Then some stuff happens…

Followed by:

The cooter engine revs. Pretty sure she sprung an oil leak.
~~~~
When he finished tongue-drilling me, he looked like he’d eaten a gourmet glazed donut.


Then some more stuff happens
At least our illicit communications provide vivid fantasy stimulation while I’m churning my butter alone in my bunk at night.
~~~
An onslaught of quim quivers seizes me.
~~~
…flood of melted muff butter leaks down my legs.
~~~
“I’m gonna fill up this sweet little box with hot Toddy.”


Then:


Followed by:


Which just resulted in me


But mainly it was just


Then it continues:
And my beaver is back to its old juicy tricks
~~~~
The guy has a gorgeous, rough voice that gives me cooter quivers.
~~~~
The metal nub in his tongue tickles me. I caress it, and a flood of cooch juice pours out the freshly opened dam. I swear I’m gonna start believing in that pheromone shit. Every time this guy comes around, my pussy leaks. Lucky for me, he’s the worst plumber in town.
~~~~
the sincerity in his face incites my twat into mass production of rainbow cum bullets. I’ve got one in the chamber, and at least a couple more waiting anxiously in the magazine. Ready, aim, fire!
~~~~
I reach behind me and cup his rock-hard package. Good old ’gina’s got another flood in the basement.
~~~~
I climb aboard the sixty-nine train, lowering my muff to his hungry lips while I get down and dirty with his man sausage.
~~~~
I’m about to blow, and I want your man chowder inside me when I do.”



Then some more stuff happens

And


AND THEY ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

Happy reading!

I seriously had a hard time rating this, but if I have to, I’ll go with 4 DISGUSTINGLY FUNNY STARS!